What I have to say should be obvious, and while this is true, people (myself included) still seem to need the occasional, viciously recurring reminder of this blatantly obvious truth.
Lately, I've struggling to understand something. It's been gnawing at my brain more recently as it is something which is currently all too prevenlant in my life: casting blame on various outside sources for the cause of hardship and pain. What I have never quite understood is how people can be so blind (myself included) to the fact that they almost unknowingly cast away the very things in life for which they claim to value the most, then proceed to point the finger outward. Taking responsibility for one's actions is where growth begins. Looking inward/self-reflection certainly isn't easy, but playing the blame game is.
Why?
Because it means a hell-of-a-lot less work for us. :)
Here's how I see it.
Say you have managed to collect, with much effort, an assortment of fine treasures. You have precious gems (a nice car, that new watch, a flat screen tv, and a slick new wardrobe), and gold (your job and your career as these are your sources obtaining such belongings). You preserve these treasures, taking care to stow them away safely and securely by locking them up in a treasure box. You then grasp your treasure box with both hands, walk it to the nearest dockside, then with great force you cast your treasure box overboard, watching as it's swallowed up by the ocean and begins plundering into unexplored depths.
Hmmmm...
Now how does that make any sense? As a young girl, despite the theft, brutality and cast-away life as a villain, I could never understand that part of a pirate's undoing, though, seen as an act of preservation.
Now say you make claim to value companionship and friendship (this includes family bonds). I think it's safe to say that most normal people do. Should you not properly care for the vessels within which these relationships reside? If you could encapsulate friendship, love, trust, and the feeling of belonging what would that vessel look like?
One word.
Care.
You make strides to care for these valuable feelings that only companionship and friendship can provide. You show your appreciation when opportunity presents itself. Hell! Sometimes you create the opportunity! The point being that without something as simple as providing care for such delicate human emotions, we find ourselves casting away that which we hold closest to our hearts through reckless behavior. Not the new car, nice watch, flat screen tv, not even a fancy wardrobe and certainly NO amount of money is going to secure these relationships, these feelings.
Does Chanel N*5 (at $120.00 per bottle) help to make a beautiful flower grow?
No. And let's not attempt to find out. Instead, take my word for it.
So how do we become less wreckless, and more caring with our relationships so that we may help them grow and flourish?
Here are some ideas.
Be honest, completely
Even when it isn't pretty. Not to be confused by telling someone how you truly feel by bashing them with insults in the heat of the moment. Definitely refrain from that... Be aware of the difference between constructive, honest feedback that isn't necessarily sugar-coated and ineffective insulting that doesn't stimulate growth but rather acts as an attempt to bring someone down.
Remember to vocalize your thoughts. Especially, the happy ones! While it's important to communicate our frustrations, it is equally (if not more) important to vocalize our positive evaluations. Either way, no one has the superhuman ability to read minds. Though, it may sometimes seem as though they do...
Also, if you lie, odds are your buddy will notice, even if they're inclined to give you the benefit of the doubt. A lie will poison any relationship. Let's not forget, small lies eventually turn into big ones. Don't create the habit of lying to others or to yourself in order to falsely justify your actions. Honesty is ALWAYS the best policy.
Hold yourself accountable
Sometimes, as though a weight has lifted, fessing up to your not-so-flattering actions can be a relief! Try not to fear taking the blame or admitting your wrong once and a while. Aftwerall, no one likes someone who always has to be right. And say someone asks something of you, whether to do the dishes, take out the trash, or put the shoes away (boys AND girls), a simple 'okay' and then do it will suffice (and deflect drama). Your mom probably taught you this, or attempted to anyway ;). Why make up an excuse? So what! You procrastinated. It happens. We ALL do it.
Respect
Just a little bit.
Show and tell --> tell and show. Telling those you claim to care about that you respect them and then showing them a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T, is a sure-fire way to build strong, healthy relationships. Be obvious about it. There's no reason you can't flat out tell someone "I respect you," or "I respect you too much to do that," as in act in a contradictory fashion. Respect goes hand-in-hand with honesty and accountability.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out it means to me. :D
Don't drink too much
Yup, I'm going there. I'm speaking about booze.
After several drinks, all morality goes out the window. Pretty much anything is justified, everything goes. Including, but not limited to, saying things we don't mean, various degrees of betrayal, lacking the ability to care about other's feelings and even our own. If you knowingly drink for any of these reasons, seek help.
We become numb as we get older. I remember the very first time I had a bit too much to drink. The next day, I awoke with two realizations: one, a soaring headache and the urge to vomit - realizing my bodie's state of toxicity, and two, the most painful embarrassment a person could possibly experience. I remember thinking 'did I REALLY say and do all those ridiculous things?' And the funny part is nothing actually happened that night aside from harmless chitchat amongst friends and the occasional stumble-and-fall. The point being that at this young, innocent stage I was completely mortified that I would say and do things that were so greatly unwarranted without a second thought. So you see, we become numb to these feelings of caution once we're "well-seasoned" in the game.
Sure, everyone's different, but perhaps practicing moderation while drinking alcohol can save a lot of heartache and regret for both ourselves and those around us.
Show gratitude
Show it, say it, scream it if you have to! Get it done however you must, but be sure your companion see's it for what is it: a sincere gesture of appreciation from the heart. Allow yourself to be loving.
And lastly...
Forgive
Forgive others for their wrongdoings and forgive yourself.
This is how we move forward and grow in life. Forgiveness isn't just for others, it can also be a selfish act (the good, healing kind). It keeps us from dwelling on the past while opening up doors of opportunity that lead to a brighter future!
<3
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